Don't Hate

Don’t Be That Girl

Why is it that when a woman walks in a room, we are checking to see if her weave and concealer are properly blended, and if her eyebrows are over-drawn?  Just to murmur to our friends, “Mm… she looks a mess”. Then the next woman walks in; she’s very well put together, hair laid, eyebrows snatched, but she doesn’t have a smile on her face, so we hate her, too, because apparently she’s “stuck up”. Lastly, the average girl walks in, and speaks to everyone in the room with the biggest smile on her face, but we decide to label her as “fake”. It’s NO winning with us. We need to cut each other some slack.

You don’t know what the first girl had to endure before you sized her up. For the second girl, I know for me, I’m not going to walk in an unfamiliar place and smile and speak to everyone in the room unless it’s a job interview. As long as we don’t have a toxic attitude, we should be able to walk in a room silently, and pulled together, with a genuinely relaxed face and not be labeled “stuck up”. Now I agree, we do need to be cognizant of our “relaxed faces” and make sure they don’t give off a negative vibe, but don’t always assume the worst of one another.

Lastly, the girl that actually did exactly what you wanted, which was speak to everyone, and give out numerous compliments is now “fake”. Just because that’s not how you operate, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We should actually be taking notes from the last girl because we want to light up the room as black women of God, exuding the kindness God destined us to have. Compliment more; if you think she looks bomb, then tell her. You never know, one small act of kindness from you can be exactly what she needs to press on.

Everyone isn’t the same, and that’s perfectly fine.

I understand there will be some women you just don’t get along with, and that’s okay as well, but it needs to be for a valid reason not “just because.”

I’m not saying we need to go around trying to be everyone’s best friend; just be genuine. We have to start checking ourselves, and our friends as well. When did it become cute to be “petty”? We, women…especially black women, desperately need peace. We are going through enough in life. It’s time for us to wake up to the fact that our problem isn’t between us; it’s with the people that are trying to turn us against each other. And frankly, they seem to be winning.

God made women to be genuine, loving, and kind. Its time to re-shift, redefine, and put our energy into building our communities, pouring into our young girls, and breaking the cycle!

We need to stop seeking out each other’s flaws, and embrace our differences that make us each uniquely beautiful. “I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.”-Erica Cook