I can't help but wonder if human beings are ever truly satisfied. It's difficult to not let my mind trick me into thinking that I'm trying to do too much in such a short period of time. I constantly feel as if I'm racing with the clock, even though I always tell others that there's time to achieve their goals; it's never about who finishes first. Even if I achieve everything I've ever wanted, career-wise, what if I still end up feeling unfulfilled? What if, 5 years from now when I'm sitting in the house that I've built for myself, my children snuggled up under me and my spouse working his dream job, I still feel as though something is missing? Will my accomplishments matter if I don't feel complete?
My educational goals have always been to zoom right through school and begin a graduate program immediately after graduation. Now, there's not necessarily anything wrong with that, but when you speed right through instead of enjoying the journey, sometimes you don't give yourself enough time to grow and fall in love with what it is you are pursuing. I had always viewed nursing school as an obstacle that I needed to get through in order to pursue my REAL goal of becoming a nurse midwife. I didn't have any concrete expectations for nursing school; all I knew was that I needed it to be over and done with so that I could begin my journey to becoming a midwife. I think I can for sure admit that I was not expecting to love nursing the way I do now. That is important; after all, as a nurse midwife, I will always be a nurse first. It was through this "falling in love" phase that I came to understand what it truly means to appreciate every aspect of one's journey. That's not to say that I still don't have days where I am ready for nursing school to be over, but I believe that this is all a part of the "learning and loving" process. Be passionate about your goals & allow yourself to open up to the possibility of appreciating your journey. Don't get so caught up in the race against time that the fire you once had for your passion begins to dim.
My one true fear is that I'll always be going after "more," that I'll always be searching for something better; that my desire (or greed, depending on how you choose to look at it) for something "better" will cause me to miss out on the things that truly matter.
Lord, I pray you help me to understand that happiness is not a destination, but a state of mind. Help me appreciate every stepping stone in my life. Help me to unlearn any selfish ways in my life so that I may be able to impact another person's life in an unimaginable way. Amen.