Feelings are friends, not foes

The 2003 Disney film, Finding Nemo, was far from my favorite However, there is one prominent line in this film I will always remember:

“If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food”.

Now, right after this scene, the sharks contradict their entire pledge and try to eat the main characters, Dory and Marlin. After observing this line yet again, I now understand this simple notion, “feelings are friends, not foes”.

This scene also includes everyone. Regardless of how the sharks and fish are viewed, they are truthful with others, and most importantly themselves. They express how they feel, what negative action they did, and what to do to improve. Here’s what you can learn from our fish tolerant friends and the rendition of their pledge:

1. Even if the other parties disagree, continue to embrace your feelings. 

I have always been told I’m too sensitive and need to change myself to reduce arguments and other issues. I had to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to be sensitive. It is okay to disagree. It is okay to feel something else that may be different from what everyone else is feeling because your feelings are warranted. 

When having conversations with people, especially when I wouldn’t agree, it always appeared too emotional. People assumed whatever I was saying was also how I was feeling and ultimately my opinions were labeled invaild. To avoid this, I ended up putting my feelings aside, never stating how I really felt, and becoming complacent with silence. I’m here to tell you this will not fly.

2. Suppressing your emotions for other people’s comfortability is a huge no.

When having discussions with others you have to remember that your feelings should never spur an argument and they are equally as important as the other parties emotions. Just as the sharks did in this scene, allow one another a platform to speak and make sure you are listening to each other. There is a difference between hearing and listening to someone. Be able to differentiate between the two when you are not only dealing with other people, but when other people are dealing with you.

To do this and to get somewhere, become as honest as these sharks in Finding Nemo. Recognize your feelings and be truthful. Ask yourself, “what exactly are my emotions in this moment and how can I effectively convey this?” 

3. Visualizing and localizing your emotions is prominent.

Pay attention to how you react to a given situation. “If I am to change this image, I must first change myself ” Before you start changing the conversations being held around you, you have to control the way you handle them. You are allowed to feel however and whatever you are feeling this however, pay attention to how you respond and express these feelings; be proactive not reactive. To be proactive is to want to move in the right direction and handle the situation. When you're reactive you are usually crying, yelling and feeding into other people’s energy.

Sis. You’re better than that.

It is possible to indicate exactly what you are feeling while also being classy.. If you have to cry, then do so. It is okay to show emotion. Just because you show emotions does not mean you are emotional. It just means you are human like everyone else. The key is to recognize your emotions and react accordingly. 

4. Start holding yourself accountable for being human still. 

 Your feelings are friends, not foes. Remember this, and you’ll find your communication skills and conversations more effective. You’ll stop wasting your breath on pointless conversations that are meant to take you out of your peace. Your peace is worth preserving, your feelings are worth consideration, and dear you are worth the world and all the kindest graces. 

Stop treating them as your enemy and start loving them regardless of the emotion: sad, mad, frustrated, or even happy. With this comes loving yourself a little bit more than you did before and becoming more honest. Quite honestly, who wouldn’t want that?