What if God’s Plan isn’t Mine?
Have you ever been blessed with something so great, that you knew God was listening? He had to know what you wanted and how you were feeling to grant you with something this big, but the fear of what may come with that blessing is what scares you…
I’ve always imagined a life with no breaks, easy sailing, going to a job I love, and feeling empowered to change a world, that doesn’t always acknowledge me, but I still feel moved to do so anyway.
I’ve never wanted to be in a place where my requests were ignored, where I am fighting back tears as I’m opening the door to my job…I feel so selfish. God has given me everything I’ve asked for and I’m still not happy. I am in a position to do God’s work, but I feel so empty, pouring from a cup that has nothing in it.
As a black women I feel like my superpower is resilience and humility. So why can’t I bare this storm? Why can’t I stay until the rain passes? Why is it taking so much out of me to be patient and trust him?
I’ve never been a quitter. Life may get tough but I don’t quit, but what do you do if your mind is mentally gone and your physical presence is still?
What happens when you think you deserve more? What if this was preparation to get me into a better position? Maybe its not that I’m being ungrateful, maybe I am realizing my worth. Maybe I am worth everything my white counterparts receive, maybe there is a life that I won’t need any escape from. Maybe this was God’s plan but just not meant for forever?
I am here to let you know that even the biggest blessings have the scariest side effects. We always glamorize what we’ve been through, but no one ever discusses what we’ve been brought to. How we navigate a life that seems unfulfilled even after we get everything we’ve asked. Mastering the balance between being grateful but not settle.
If you’re trying to decide whether you should or shouldn’t pursue something. Pursue it, God doesn’t give you any vision that you can’t make reality. It may be scary, it may be hard to leave your comfort zone, but you deserve a life that you don’t have to call out sick for. A job that will hear your needs and meets them. You deserve so much more than what you’re bargaining for. We’ve been trained and conditioned to not complain about the scraps that we’ve been given because we could have nothing. But what if you exchange complain with hustle? You can get everything.
Trust God & Trust His Timing even more…