What to Do If 2025 Wasn’t Your Year: A Love Letter to Black Girls Resetting for 2026

Sis, breathe.

If 2025 didn’t unfold the way you hoped, if the job didn’t come through, the relationship didn’t sustain, the money got funny, the body got tired, the community felt heavy, you’re not alone. This year asked a lot of us. Black women navigated so much: showing up for family and friends even when our own cup felt bone dry; fighting through burnout while still being “the reliable one”; advocating for safety, equity, and respect, in our workplaces, classrooms, organizations, and homes. Many of us carried grief and joy at the same time. We pushed ideas forward with limited resources, and we extended grace where the world didn’t. That’s a lot.

But here’s the truth: a tough year doesn’t define your worth. Your brilliance, tenderness, and courage are still intact. Your capacity to try again is still yours. And the new year isn’t a rescue; it’s a reset, an invitation to choose yourself—with intention, compassion, and a plan that actually honors your limits and your dreams.

Let’s make 2026 the year you move with peace, strategy, and joy. Below is a gentle roadmap with ten tips to help you prepare. Think of it as your soft start.

1) Give Yourself Permission to Feel Everything (Then Put It Down)

You are allowed to be disappointed. You are allowed to be proud. You are allowed to grieve the version of the year you imagined and still celebrate the moments that did carry you.

Try this:
Set a 20-minute timer. Write down everything 2025 brought.. losses, lessons, little wins. Circle three truths you want to carry forward. Draw a line through what you’re releasing. Say out loud: I can put this down and still be whole.

2) Rename the Year: From “Failure” to “Foundation”

Sometimes what feels like a setback is really the scaffolding. Closed doors saved your time; detours gave you data. What you learned is the blueprint.

Try this:
Write three skills you built this year. Whether it was resilience, budgeting, boundary-setting, leadership.. Note where each skill will serve you next. Create a “Foundation Wins” list and save it as your phone lock screen.

3) Set Intentions That Center How You Want to Feel

Resolutions can be rigid; intentions are values in motion. Think beyond outcomes—focus on feeling states that guide your decisions.

Try this:
Choose three core feelings for 2026, like peaceful, paid, loved. For each feeling, list two practices that nurture it. For example: peaceful might mean a 10-minute morning stretch and saying “no” without apology.

4) Create a 12-Week Starter Plan

Long timelines are overwhelming. Twelve weeks is long enough to make real progress and short enough to adjust.

Try this:
Pick one theme per month for the first quarter. Will it be career, health, money? Choose one key outcome per month, like updating your resume or saving $500. Break it down into weekly micro-steps.

5) Rebuild Your Boundaries and Make Them Visible

Boundaries aren’t about walls; they’re about clarity. The people who love you will adjust.

Try this:
Write your non-negotiables for 2026! No calls after 9 PM, no unpaid work, no reshuffling your rest. Add a simple autoresponder or calendar block: “I respond within 48 hours.”

6) Nourish Your Body Without Punishment

You deserve to feel well without turning your body into a project. Move for joy, eat for energy, rest for repair.

Try this:
Build a three-times-a-week movement ritual! Walking, dancing, yoga, lifting. Keep it playful. Protect your sleep like your bag depends on it.

7) Secure Your Bag Sustainably

Financial stability is self-care. You can be ambitious and gentle at the same time.

Try this:
Schedule a monthly money date to review spending and savings goals. If possible, set up automatic transfers to a peace fund. Explore one new income stream that aligns with your gifts.

8) Curate Your Circle and Your Inputs

Community is medicine, and what you consume shapes how you feel.

Try this:
Map your core four: the people you can call for truth, laughter, prayer, and strategy. Audit your feeds and mute anything that breeds comparison.

9) Take Solo Time Seriously

Make solitude sacred. Whether it’s a solo travel weekend, a museum date with yourself, or a long lunch and a book, time alone refills your spirit and sharpens your sense of self.

Try this:
Plan a quarterly solo day with no obligations, just you. Book a local staycation or a day trip by train. Try artist dates: two hours with something that inspires you; gallery, plant shop, new class, concert, library.

10) Practice Joy on Purpose

Joy isn’t a reward; it’s a practice. Make it measurable and light.

Try this:
Keep a daily delight list; write one joyful thing a day. Build a playlist for your morning commute or evening wind-down. Celebrate tiny wins.

And again,

If the year hurt, let it teach, but not lead. We saw a lot this year. Some of us held steady through microaggressions and misrecognition. Some navigated healthcare hurdles and caregiving realities. Some confronted community harm, policy shifts, and economics that didn’t keep pace with our needs. And still—we created, we organized, we laughed, we braided hair and stories, we kept showing up.

Remember:
You are not late.
You are not behind.
You are becoming.. bravely, beautifully, and at your own pace.

Here’s to 2026: more rest, more money, more love, more laughter, more “I said what I said.” And here’s to solo dates, plane tickets, long walks, clean kitchens, clear calendars, and loud joy. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Black Girls, Holidays, and Relationship Status: Owning Our Season

Let’s be real:

The holidays magnify everything. The joy feels louder, the stress feels heavier, and suddenly your relationship status becomes a topic of public discussion. If you’re single, somebody’s auntie is asking when you’re “bringing someone home.” If you’re partnered, folks want to know when the ring is coming, and if you’re somewhere in between? Whew. The pressure is real.

But here’s the truth: our worth doesn’t shift depending on who’s sitting next to us at the holiday table. Black girls shine regardless. Period.

✨ If You’re Single

Being single during the holidays isn’t a punishment, it’s freedom.

• No explanations required

You don’t owe anyone a rundown of your dating life. You don’t have to smile politely through questions about “when it’s your turn.” You get to move through the season on your own terms.

• Centering yourself

This is the season to pour into you. Book that solo trip, binge your favorite shows, cook the food you love without compromise. Your rituals matter. Your joy matters.

• Community love

Being single doesn’t mean being alone. Sisterhood, friendships, and chosen family are just as powerful. Sometimes the loudest laughter and deepest comfort come from the people who’ve walked beside you all year.

• Flipping the narrative

Too often, single Black women are painted as “waiting” or “lacking.” The holidays are a chance to flip that script, to show that solitude can be sacred, and independence can be joyful.

And let’s be honest, sometimes being single during the holidays means less stress. No negotiating whose family you’re visiting, no splitting finances for gifts, no managing someone else’s expectations. Just you, your peace, and your joy.

❤️ If You’re in a Relationship

Partnership during the holidays can be beautiful, but it comes with its own dynamics.

• Shared traditions

Building rituals with someone you love, whether it’s decorating together, cooking side by side, or traveling, can be meaningful. But remember: it doesn’t define your value.

• Balance

Protecting your individuality while celebrating together is the real flex. Love should amplify your voice, not silence it.

• Visibility

Black love deserves to be seen and celebrated. Representation matters, but it’s not the only story worth telling. Your relationship is one part of your identity, not the whole.

• Boundaries

Even in love, boundaries matter. The holidays can bring family expectations, financial stress, and social performance. Protecting your peace is just as important as protecting your partnership.

And let’s be clear, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re automatically “winning.” Relationships take work, and the holidays can test them. What matters most is that you feel respected, supported, and free to be yourself.

🌟 The Bigger Picture

Here’s what we’re not doing this season: comparing ourselves to curated Instagram feeds. Matching pajamas don’t define us. Our culture, our community, our joy, that’s the real flex.

• Rejecting comparison

Social media can make it feel like everyone else is living the “perfect holiday romance.” But curated images don’t tell the full story. Your reality, with its imperfections and authenticity, is enough.

• Centering legacy

The holidays are about more than romance. They’re about family, community, tradition, and the ways we honor those who came before us. Black girls are carriers of culture.. whether we’re single, dating, married, or somewhere in between.

• Choosing joy:

Joy is resistance. In a world that often tries to box us in, choosing joy, on our own terms, is radical.

The bigger truth? Relationship status is just one detail in the larger story of who we are. Black girls are leaders, creators, nurturers, disruptors. We carry light that outshines any seasonal narrative.

🖤 Final Word

This holiday, let’s remind the world:

Black girls don’t need a plus-one to shine, we are the gift. Whether we walk in solo or hand-in-hand, our presence is the tradition. Our joy is the resistance. Our legacy is the light.

Wings, Wins, and What It Means to Be a Good Girl: Angel Reese’s Manifestation Moment

Angel Reese didn’t just walk the Victoria’s Secret runway—she floated. She glided down that Brooklyn stage in silver wings and pink florals like she’d been born for it. And in many ways, she was. Because this moment wasn’t just about fashion. It was about fulfillment. It was about manifestation. It was about a Black girl saying “I’m gonna be a Victoria’s Secret model one day”—and then doing exactly that.

Angel Reese became the first WNBA player to ever walk in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. And she did it her way: edges laid, lashes long, body strong, and spirit even stronger. She didn’t shrink. She didn’t soften. She didn’t ask for permission. She showed up as herself, and that’s exactly what makes her a Good Girl.

Manifestation Is a Muscle

Angel’s walk was a masterclass in speaking life over your dreams. In 2024, she sat front row at the VS show and posted her vision: “I’m gonna be a Victoria’s Secret model one day.” A year later, she was closing out the show. That’s not coincidence. That’s clarity. That’s commitment. That’s what happens when a Black girl dares to dream out loud and refuses to let the world mute her magic.

She didn’t wait for the industry to validate her. She declared herself worthy, and then she worked, prayed, styled, and slayed her way into the moment. That’s manifestation. That’s legacy. That’s Good Girl energy.

The Scrutiny, The Shade, and The Strength

Angel’s rise hasn’t been all roses and runways. She’s faced the kind of scrutiny that Black women know too well.. the kind that tries to dim your light just because it’s shining too bright.

From her college days at LSU to her rookie season in the WNBA, Angel has been picked apart for everything: her confidence, her clothes, her tweets, her tone. When she celebrated wins, she was called cocky. When she posted selfies, she was called distracted. When she showed joy, she was told to be humble.

And let’s be real, this isn’t just about basketball. It’s about the way the world treats Black women who refuse to shrink. Angel’s femininity was questioned. Her leadership was challenged. Her body was policed. Her brilliance was downplayed. And through it all, she kept showing up.

She spoke openly about the mental toll. She reminded us that being visible isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. Because every time Angel Reese steps into her power, she makes space for another Black girl to do the same.

She didn’t fold. She flourished. She launched her own fashion line. She signed major deals. She kept her head high and her heels higher. And now, she’s walking runways that weren’t built for her, but will never be the same because of her.

What Makes Angel a “Good Girl”

At The Good Girl Movement, we say being a “good girl” isn’t about being quiet, it’s about being clear. It’s about knowing your worth, honoring your joy, and showing up as your whole self. Angel Reese is a good girl because she’s radically herself. She’s legacy-minded, joy-centered, and deeply committed to her own healing and her own shine.

Her Victoria’s Secret walk wasn’t just about lingerie. It was about liberation. It was about showing Black girls that we can be strong and soft, bold and beautiful, athletic and angelic.. all at once. Angel didn’t ask for permission. She gave herself wings.

Why This Moment Matters

Angel Reese’s debut is a cultural reset. It’s a reminder that Black women belong everywhere; on the court, in couture, and at the center of the story. Her walk was a manifestation fulfilled, a milestone marked, and a movement ignited.

She is proof that being a “good girl” means being a real girl.. unapologetic, unfiltered, and unafraid to take up space.

Call to Action: Walk in Your Own Wings

Angel Reese didn’t just walk for herself, she walked for every Black girl who’s ever been told she was too loud, too bold, too much. So now it’s your turn.

✨ Speak your dreams out loud.

✨ Show up as your full self.

✨ Take up space like it’s already yours.

Tag us @thegoodgirlmovement and tell us: What are you manifesting next? Use the hashtag #GoodGirlEnergy to share your wins, your walk, and your wings. We’re watching. We’re cheering. We’re walking with you.

You Don’t Have to Be Good at Everything to Be That Girl

Somewhere along the way, “Black girl magic” got twisted.

It stopped being about joy and started feeling like a checklist.

Perfect skin. Perfect pitch deck. Perfect healing. Perfect hustle.

And if you’re not good at all of it? You feel behind.

Let’s be clear: that’s not magic, that’s pressure and we’re not subscribing to it.

You don’t have to be a branding expert, a wellness guru, a financial strategist, and a community organizer just to be worthy. You don’t have to monetize every talent. You don’t have to turn every hobby into a hustle. You don’t have to be good at everything to be that girl.

You just have to be real. Rooted. Present.

What does that girl actually look like?

She’s the one who shows up in her own rhythm. She’s the one who’s still figuring it out but refuses to shrink. She’s the one who’s good at some things, bad at others, and still valuable. She’s the one who rests without guilt. She’s the one who doesn’t perform joy, she lives it. We’re not here to chase perfection. We’re here to protect our peace.

So here’s your permission slip:

• Be mediocre at things that bring you joy.

You don’t have to be good at painting to love color. You don’t have to be a chef to enjoy cooking. You don’t have to be a poet to write your feelings down.

• Be selective with your energy.

You don’t owe every skill to the market. You don’t owe every idea to a rollout. You don’t owe every moment to productivity.

• Be soft without apology.

You don’t have to be “strong” all the time. You don’t have to be the fixer, the planner, the one who always has it together.

• Be brilliant without being booked and busy.

Your worth isn’t tied to your calendar. Your impact isn’t measured in deliverables.

Final word?

You are that girl because you exist.

Because you feel deeply.

Because you care.

Because you’re still here.

You don’t have to be everything. You just have to be you.

Built by us. For us. Always.

From Elevator Sales to Elevating Fashion Week: Olandria’s Manifested HER Moment and YOU CAN TOO

From Villa to Vogue: Olandria’s Style Was Always the Story

Before she turned heads at New York Fashion Week, Olandria Carthen was already a vision in motion.

In the Love Island USA villa, she wasn’t just well-dressed; she was styled, intentional, and camera-ready. Every recoupling, every confessional, every slow-motion walk down the villa stairs felt like a fashion editorial. Fan accounts and fashion publications couldn’t stop talking. REVOLT called her style “unforgettable,” praising her mastery of color, texture, and silhouette. TikTok creators dissected her looks with awe.

Then came the twist: when fans discovered that many of her pieces were from affordable brands like Fashion Nova and Stein, the internet collectively gasped. The styling was so elevated, so intentional, that people assumed she was wearing high-end labels. Instead, she was showing what resourcefulness, vision, and a strong sense of self can do. She didn’t just wear clothes, she curated moments.

That’s what made her NYFW run feel so full-circle for us. She didn’t arrive as a fashion insider, she is building her own lane along with her team Matthew and Reginald Reisman, piece by piece, look by look.

From Elevator Sales to Front Row Seats

Olandria didn’t just attend New York Fashion Week, she shifted it.

In a week defined by exclusivity and spectacle, she brought something different: presence. From her first red carpet appearance to her runway debut, she moved with quiet confidence and divine alignment. Her journey wasn’t luck, it was legacy in motion. For every Black girl watching, it was proof that vision backed by preparation can take you anywhere.

Let’s walk through the magic:

Icons Off the Runway (InStyle x Delta)

Look: Styled in La Pointe and Femme LA, she rocked a full leopard-print set—duster coat, sheer bodysuit, matching shorts, printed tights

Accessories: Black pumps, basketball-shaped metallic clutch, gold hoops, glossy red lips, sleek black shades Styling: Curated from independent designers and vintage finds

Our take: She didn’t just arrive.. she announced herself. Every detail was intentional, every piece chosen to tell a story.

Valentino NYFW Appearance

Look: Styled in a blush pink mini dress with exaggerated baroque-style panels and 3D florals

Brand: Harbison Studio - Flora Cyclone Bouffant Bustier Mini Dress

Our take: Barbie gone couture. A visual shift that showed her range; fierce and tender, all in one frame.

Raising Cane’s Runway

Look: Flowing scarlet gown with sheer organza overlay

Brand: Raising Cane’s x NYFW custom showpiece

Our take: Regal. Radiant. Unforgettable. She didn’t just wear the gown, she embodied it. This was her first introduction into walking in a NYFW show. I think we all cried happy tears watching her strut down the runway, right? A DREAM REALIZED. 10/10 FAN GIRL MOMENT.

Off-White Spring/Summer 2026

Look: Tailored streetwear-inspired ensemble with editorial polish

Brand: Off-White

Our take: Sitting front row at Off-White wasn’t just about fashion, it was about alignment. Olandria showed up in a tailored look that balanced streetwear grit with high-fashion polish, perfectly in sync with the brand’s legacy of Black innovation and cultural disruption. She didn’t overdo it. She didn’t shrink. She just belonged. And she knew it.

For a Southern girl who once dreamed of modeling without knowing where to start, this moment was proof: manifestation works. Her seat wasn’t luck, it was earned. Quietly, powerfully, intentionally.

Sergio Hudson Runway Debut

Look: Voluminous brown animal-print blouse, black micro shorts, oversized belt, lace-up heels, statement gold earrings

Brand: Sergio Hudson

Our take: This was legacy in motion. Sergio Hudson, who’s dressed Michelle Obama, Beyoncé, and Vice President Kamala Harris; cast Olandria not for her résumé, but for her radiance. “She’s inspiring,” he said. “A beautiful girl, inside and out. I normally don’t put non-models in the show, but I wanted Gen Z to have someone to look to and she looked beautiful”.

Hudson, who also grew up in the South, saw something familiar in Olandria. She had been wearing his designs to press interviews and public appearances long before the NYFW show. He noticed and he chose her.

Nic Vansteenberghe watched proudly from the front row, capturing every moment like a witness to something bigger than fashion, because it was. It was proof that manifestation, preparation, and presence can rewrite the rules. Olandria didn’t wait to be chosen, she chose herself, and the industry followed.

Manifestation Was the Foundation

Before the cameras and couture, Olandria was a Southern girl with a vision. She affirmed. She styled herself like she was already walking the runway and when the opportunity came, she was ready; not just physically, but spiritually. She came from vision. From styling herself in her bedroom. From watching runway shows on YouTube and saying, “One day, that’ll be me.” And now, it is.

• Girls who dream of modeling but don’t know where to start. Olandria always spoke about wanting to model. But in Alabama, the path wasn’t clear. There were no agencies down the street, no stylists in her circle. What she had was belief. She modeled in her mind first—then in her mirror. She built her own portfolio through presence, polish, and preparation. NYFW didn’t discover her. She manifested it.

• Reality TV stars reclaiming their narratives. Olandria didn’t let the villa define her; she used it as a launchpad. She flipped the script, proving that visibility on screen can be a stepping stone to visibility in culture, fashion, and legacy. How lucky is to find love and live out your dreams? (WE ARE GAGGED)

• Manifesters who know that vision + preparation = transformation. Olandria didn’t stumble into NYFW; she summoned it. She tweeted it, affirmed, styled herself like she was already walking the runway. Her journey is a blueprint for anyone who’s ever whispered a dream into the universe and waited for it to echo back.

• Black women who are tired of being told they have to choose between softness and strength. Olandria embodied both. She was radiant and grounded, glamorous and gracious. She showed her power and It’s divine.

• The next generation of cultural storytellers who are watching closely. Olandria’s rise is a reminder that legacy is built in real time. That every outfit, every quote, every moment of grace is part of a larger archive. She’s not just making fashion history, she’s making cultural history.

Her NYFW run was more than a fashion moment for us. it was a manifestation milestone. A reminder that when Black women show up fully, the world doesn’t just take notice, it shifts.

We want to know what you are manifesting!

The Glam Room Is Sacred: Black Girls, Beauty, and Love Island

When a Black woman walks into the Love Island villa.. whether it’s Mallorca, Fiji, or wherever the cameras roll, she’s not just stepping into a dating show, she’s entering a space that rarely centers her but expects her to be radiant, resilient, and ready. Every single time, she delivers.

What viewers often miss is the strategy behind the slay. The hair, the makeup, the outfits… they’re not just aesthetics. They’re armor. They’re storytelling. They’re soft resistance. In a villa that often overlooks Black women’s fullness, just like the real world, these beauty rituals become sacred. They become survival. They become legacy.  Here are some of our favorite islanders and favorite moments from the Black women who continue to make this show so popular!

Hair That Speaks Before You Do

Hair is never just hair for Black women. On Love Island, it’s both battleground and crown. The glam team rarely reflects the diversity of its cast, so Black women arrive with protective styles, bundles, braids, and backup plans—not just to impress, but to endure.

Chelley Bissainthe (USA Season 7) clocked the humidity before even stepping into the villa and braided her own hair in the hotel. No stylist. No glam team. Just skill, foresight, and a deep understanding of what it takes to protect your crown in unpredictable conditions.

Clarke Carraway sparked debate when fans assumed she wore a wig. She corrected the record: tape-in extensions. Her soft, layered look was a masterclass in subtle glam—proof that not every slay needs to be loud to be legendary.

Cashay Proudfoot (USA Season 3) entered with a bouncy body wave wig and revealed a shaved head underneath. “I didn’t feel beautiful unless I could fix my hair,” she said. So she let it go. Her presence was a radical act of softness and self-love.

Justine Ndiba (USA Season 2 & Love Island Games) wore goddess braids that moved like poetry. Her documented install process showed the hours of prep behind what viewers saw as effortless.

Yewande Biala (UK Season 5) wore wigs during her season, but later posted her natural 4C hair with pride. “Protective styles suit me,” she wrote. Her post-season reveal was a quiet clapback to critics who wanted her to perform authenticity on their terms.

Makeup That Holds the Gaze

Makeup in the villa is more than glam—it’s survival. The lighting is harsh, the cameras are relentless, and the glam team often lacks the range. So Black women come prepared. They bring full kits, shade-matching foundations, and setting sprays that hold through heartbreak and humidity.

JaNa Craig (USA Season 6) became a fan favorite for her soft, airbrushed glam—even if she joked about not knowing the difference between concealer and highlighter.

Catherine Agbaje (UK Season 10) brought clean brows, radiant skin, and lips that knew how to deliver a one-liner. Her soft glam was never overdone, but always intentional.

Whitney Adebayo (UK Season 10) leaned into bold lashes, defined brows, and a radiant base that glowed under the villa lights. Her makeup was playful but precise.

Indiyah paired her signature cat-eye with glossy lips and radiant skin. Her glam was editorial, but wearable—always camera-ready, always rooted in self-expression.

And then came the moment that broke the internet: the NYXOLANDRIA (Nicolandria) Lip Combo. Fans kept asking what Olandria wore on her lips, and when Nic literally pulled the products out of his pocket during an interview, NYX made it official:

• Butter Gloss in Lava Cake

• Butter Gloss in Spiked Toffee

• Slim Lip Pencil in Espresso

It wasn’t just a lip combo, it was a love story in three steps. Budget-friendly, camera-ready, and Black girl approved.

Fashion as Feeling, Strategy, and Soft Power

For Black women in the villa, fashion isn’t just about looking good—it’s about feeling seen. It’s about choosing a dress that matches your mood, a swimsuit that holds your softness, and a silhouette that says, “I know who I am, and I’m not shrinking.”

Chelley and Olandria understood this intuitively. Their fashion choices weren’t just curated, they were emotional. They dressed for how they felt, not how they were expected to show up. If the energy was soft and flirty, the look followed. If it was bold and unbothered? Baby, the outfit was already in motion. As Chelley and Olandria would say, “You’re fixing to give it to them today” and the wardrobe always understood the assignment.

In the glam room, they’d hype each other up while getting ready, choosing outfits that matched their mood and their message. It wasn’t just about impressing the boys, it was about honoring themselves. Their style became a shared ritual, a way to affirm each other’s presence in a space that often demanded performance but rarely offered care.

Fashion becomes a tool for survival and self-expression. It’s how Black women show up when the cameras roll but the glam team doesn’t understand their undertones. It’s how they flirt without saying a word. How they protect their peace while still giving face.

The Glam Room: Where Braids Built a Bond

In a villa designed for romance, it was the glam room that gave Chelley and Olandria space to fall into friendship. While other Islanders were focused on coupling up, these two were in front of the mirror, adjusting braids, laying edges, and sharing the kind of conversations that only happen when you’re twisting hair and telling truths.

Moments like these reflect Black girlhood—where we love on each other in our private moments, share laughter while we sit and simply get ourselves together. It wasn’t just about hair, it was about care. About seeing each other fully. About creating a pocket of softness in a space that demanded performance

Beauty Is the Brand: Black Women Securing the Bag Post-Villa

When Black women leave the villa, they don’t just walk out with followers—they walk out with leverage. And more and more, they’re using that leverage to align with beauty brands that reflect their glow, their grit, and their voice.

Serena Page (USA Season 6) didn’t just win the show, she won the culture. Her post-villa brand deals read like a blueprint: Savage X Fenty, Cécred, Shea Moisture, CoverGirl, Spotify, Dunkin’. She’s been the face of campaigns that center softness, sensuality, and Black girl joy. And when she graced the cover of Essence GU? That wasn’t just a photo shoot, it was a shift. Serena’s beauty isn’t just aspirational.. it’s accessible, and brands are finally catching up.

JaNa Craig, her fellow PPG sister, brought her own flavor to the table. From Raising Cane’s commercials to influencer partnerships, JaNa’s post-villa glow-up has been playful, polished, and deeply intentional. She’s leaned into her personality—funny, flirty, and full of heart—and brands have responded with deals that feel like extensions of her voice.

Olandria Carthen (USA Season 7) stepped into her influencer era with full force. Her partnership with NYX for the viral NYXOLANDRIA Lip Combo was a cultural reset. And her campaign with Agua de Kefir? A whole moment. Lounging poolside in a lemon-yellow bikini, delivering lines with charm and precision, she wasn’t just modeling hydration—she was modeling influence. The ad dropped right before the reunion, racked up millions of views, and positioned her as a brand magnet. She’s not just being booked, she’s being remembered.

Kaz Kamwi (UK Season 7) was already a full-time influencer before the villa, but her post-show career has been a masterclass in consistency. She’s worked with Fenty Beauty, Boucleme, Boots, and more—always centering textured hair, Black British beauty, and real talk. Kaz didn’t just take up space—she built her own.

These women aren’t just faces in campaigns—they’re the blueprint. They’re showing beauty brands what it looks like to center Black women without watering us down. They’re proving that softness is marketable, that authenticity sells, and that Black girl glam is not a trend—it’s the standard.

What We Carry

Black women on Love Island have always done more than show up. They’ve styled themselves with care, built bonds in the glam room, and turned beauty into business. Every braid, beat, and outfit was chosen with intention.. even when the space didn’t reflect them back. This isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being prepared. Being expressive. Being seen. And now, it’s about you. What’s one beauty ritual or trick that makes you feel most like yourself—as a Black woman, as a creator, as someone who knows how to move through the world with care? Let’s talk about it. The glam room might be on TV, but the real one is wherever we gather.

What I Wish I Knew About Money In My Early 20’s

I was an overly ambitious high school graduate, thinking about all the things I couldn’t wait to do going into my first year of college. I as high off my first taste of freedom, with little to no real gage on what the lifestyle I imagined for myself would cost me. I recall going through all my wants, as if wants were things I needed. I would say, “I’m going to lease a lux apartment” or “F it I’ma buy a new phone or  a new car to celebrate a new beginning.” Seeing people online “getting it” looked so easy to do. Then it hit me... 

I had an understanding of how to gain money and how to manage it. Eventually, this led me into the world of finance, where I have been working since my freshman year of college. Though I have experience working in finance, there are still plenty of lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way. So let’s get straight into it… 

What I Wish I Knew About Money In My Early 20’s

Let’s start with that celebratory whip I wanted oh so bad. Well, sis, Compound interest has a hell of a way of making the newest fully loaded whip look like a “You up?” text at 2 am. Sure, I could be up, but I may regret it later. Compound interest can be thought of as “interest building on interest” which adds to the principal of your loan. So whatever that price tag says on the lot, the loan you took out, or the card you plan to use, it’s never truly final until you’re ready with the coin to pay it off in its entirety. Only then, will you know the real cost.

 If you're in your early 20’s and there is an absolute “must-have '' desire or loan that needs to be fulfilled, be wise in your decision. Be choosy on who you get loans with. For example, I’ve found that credit unions are perfect for building credit, tend to have better rates on loans, and can be perfect for new to credit users. See if you qualify to become a member of your local credit union for your next line of credit. I can not stress this enough, READ THE FINE PRINT. Really get to know what you are getting yourself into. 

Speaking of interest, how was I going to fund mine?

Like I stated previously, I envisioned a lifestyle for myself, and not having enough money to fulfill it was not in the plan. So, I picked a credit card and started to spend on the things that peaked my interest. Well after 7 months of having my card I realized quite a few things about credit cards and the best use for them.

Just kidding.

I found myself constantly carrying a balance and paying so much in interest that my minimum payment was NOT making a dent in my balance. I was spending more than I was willing to pay just because of the card’s easy access. I was utilizing a higher percentage of my credit limit than I thought I would. This began to negatively affect my credit score. I knew I had to create a plan to better use this card and realize that this was not just loaner money, but a tool.

Credit cards are a tool just like any other. When getting a card you want to make sure you make it work for you. So here are some things to keep in mind: Why do I need this? How am I going to pay it back? What is my overall plan with this card? You’ll also want to keep these tips in mind. If you don’t carry a balance, you won’t pay interest. Keep your utilization low month to month. 30% or lower tends to be great for credit building. Most importantly, don’t spend more than you can pay monthly.

Jay Z said it best:

Money comes and goes but your biggest investment is yourself.

Read that again, I’ll wait. 

Okay sis, now that it has been burned into your frontal cortex, let's get into how we can live it. One of my biggest regrets looking back at my early 20’s was not making my money work for me. I was too busy working for my money to really see the opportunities that were out there to double my money by placing it into the right avenues. Although investing doesn’t sound sexy, due to it not having an immediate return, it has a way of doubling back in the long run that ensures you always have something of value. 

Here are just some ways that you can invest in yourself and watch your money grow; no pyramid scheme.

Investing in stock is a common option for investing. Now I know we may not all have Tesla stock money but thanks to the ever changing technology, there are a ton of awesome apps for investing. The best part, they are beginner-friendly. Some great apps for this are Acorn and Robinhood where you can start investing with as little as the change rounded up from your debit cards! 

401ks and Roth IRA’s. Now if you're ever wondering how you can become a millionaire in your lifetime this is a great way to start. There really is no way to make 401ks or Roth IRA’s sound sexy. I’ll just leave it at this and let you do your research because whether we want to admit it or not, we are all getting older. Ask yourself this, when the time comes, would you rather be on a budget, or a millionaire?. 

Entrepreneurship can be one of the hardest investments to take but can feel the most rewarding. When you find your niche or something that interests you, buy the tools and practice, practice, practice! There is nothing wrong with having a 9-5 but keep in mind the average millionaire has multiple streams of income sis. Start monetizing your hobbies and watch your pockets swell. 

Now that we know better... well you know the rest 

Take these tips and do better, better than I ever did sis! I’m rooting for you! Keep in mind you are NOT alone. There are online communities dedicated to financial literacy, building credit, getting rid of snowballing debt, student loans, entrepreneurship, and building wealth. These communities can be found on Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, etc. and they welcome you with open arms. Financial freedom and literacy takes trial and error but keep your eyes on the prize. The money will come, just be patient and trust the process. Can’t wait to see you on the next Forbes list!

Feelings are friends, not foes

The 2003 Disney film, Finding Nemo, was far from my favorite However, there is one prominent line in this film I will always remember:

“If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food”.

Now, right after this scene, the sharks contradict their entire pledge and try to eat the main characters, Dory and Marlin. After observing this line yet again, I now understand this simple notion, “feelings are friends, not foes”.

This scene also includes everyone. Regardless of how the sharks and fish are viewed, they are truthful with others, and most importantly themselves. They express how they feel, what negative action they did, and what to do to improve. Here’s what you can learn from our fish tolerant friends and the rendition of their pledge:

1. Even if the other parties disagree, continue to embrace your feelings. 

I have always been told I’m too sensitive and need to change myself to reduce arguments and other issues. I had to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to be sensitive. It is okay to disagree. It is okay to feel something else that may be different from what everyone else is feeling because your feelings are warranted. 

When having conversations with people, especially when I wouldn’t agree, it always appeared too emotional. People assumed whatever I was saying was also how I was feeling and ultimately my opinions were labeled invaild. To avoid this, I ended up putting my feelings aside, never stating how I really felt, and becoming complacent with silence. I’m here to tell you this will not fly.

2. Suppressing your emotions for other people’s comfortability is a huge no.

When having discussions with others you have to remember that your feelings should never spur an argument and they are equally as important as the other parties emotions. Just as the sharks did in this scene, allow one another a platform to speak and make sure you are listening to each other. There is a difference between hearing and listening to someone. Be able to differentiate between the two when you are not only dealing with other people, but when other people are dealing with you.

To do this and to get somewhere, become as honest as these sharks in Finding Nemo. Recognize your feelings and be truthful. Ask yourself, “what exactly are my emotions in this moment and how can I effectively convey this?” 

3. Visualizing and localizing your emotions is prominent.

Pay attention to how you react to a given situation. “If I am to change this image, I must first change myself ” Before you start changing the conversations being held around you, you have to control the way you handle them. You are allowed to feel however and whatever you are feeling this however, pay attention to how you respond and express these feelings; be proactive not reactive. To be proactive is to want to move in the right direction and handle the situation. When you're reactive you are usually crying, yelling and feeding into other people’s energy.

Sis. You’re better than that.

It is possible to indicate exactly what you are feeling while also being classy.. If you have to cry, then do so. It is okay to show emotion. Just because you show emotions does not mean you are emotional. It just means you are human like everyone else. The key is to recognize your emotions and react accordingly. 

4. Start holding yourself accountable for being human still. 

 Your feelings are friends, not foes. Remember this, and you’ll find your communication skills and conversations more effective. You’ll stop wasting your breath on pointless conversations that are meant to take you out of your peace. Your peace is worth preserving, your feelings are worth consideration, and dear you are worth the world and all the kindest graces. 

Stop treating them as your enemy and start loving them regardless of the emotion: sad, mad, frustrated, or even happy. With this comes loving yourself a little bit more than you did before and becoming more honest. Quite honestly, who wouldn’t want that? 

Listen to Black Women

During all the loss, chaos, and confusion of our world right now, one thing that has been a beaming light for a lot of us music enthusiasts has been the Verzuz TV battles. Orchestrated and powered by hip-hop’s superpower producers Swizz Beats and Timbaland, Verzuz has brought so many of our favorite artists throughout the decades together in ways we didn’t think could be possible. Although it’s considered a battle with specific rules, ironically these “battles'' almost always turn into the competing artists showing each other love, honoring the work they’ve done, and celebrating the many memories of life around their careers. 

Of course, the most impactful battles featured Black women - Erykah vs. Jill and Brandy vs. Monica. According to VIBE magazine, Erykah Badu and Jill Scott’s Verzus battle accumulated 6.7 million streams for their music on that day alone. The Brandy vs. Monica Verzus battle attracted 6 million views of the battle itself while also gaining over 20 million streams of their music catalog. Numbers don’t lie and neither does the power and magic of Black women. 

I originally began to think about the ways in which Black women through history have lead and contributed to our culture through music when I first came across Scottie Beam’s #listentoblackwomen playlist. Already obsessed with Scottie and how she vigilantly advocates for Black women in music, I couldn’t help but to dive deeper into our history within the industry. 

From Billie Holiday to Beyonce, we have crafted a legacy of talent, beauty, rawness, vulnerability, story-telling, and truth in an industry that never truly loved us. We have broken records, charts, stereotypes, and barriers despite not being properly represented as gatekeepers, music executives, and company owners. Our music matters because we are indeed the shit and so much more. For me, I grew up on Erykah, Jill, Brandy, and Monica. These women played a vital part of my transition from girlhood to womanhood.

Erykah introduced me to the proclivities of spirituality and the deeper meanings of the world around us. I would research her lyrics just to get a full understanding of what she meant in songs like “The Healer”, “On & On”, or “Appletree”. I had never heard a Black woman be so mystical and celebrate herself and other women as this divine being. No one ever spoke to me or about women in such a way.

Jill Scott has honestly been my spirit sister/auntie since popping “Who is Jill Scott?: Words and Sounds Vol.1” in my pink bratz cd player. I had no idea what blessing of a voice and lyricism I was going to receive at such a young age. Jill also acted as a representation for me as a chunky little girl. I was always bigger than my friends and struggled with my body image since I can remember. I thought, “she looks just like me and she’s on tv”. Natural hair, loud, yet still vulnerable enough to express the cravings for love and intimacy - something Black women aren’t always raised to be confident to say.

So much can be said about Brandy and the multidimensional talent she is. Although she was already an adult when I first heard her debut album “Brandy”, 15 year old me in the 2000s could still relate to 15 years old her in the 90s which confirms the relevance of her music no matter the era or generation. You really can’t get more iconic than “Moesha” and being the first Black Cinderella — which is the only Cinderella we acknowledge around here— Brandy was and still is a powerhouse.

Lastly, Monica aka “Miss Thang” is a woman of her own caliber. Since 12 years old, Monica has been telling us what it is and what it ain’t with a voice that seems impossible to come from someone that young. We joke that she came out of the womb grown but I’d like to think she’s actually been here before and has an old soul. Black girls like Monica have to grow up fast because of their environment and circumstances. Some Black girls don’t have the privilege of being just “girls.”Her music spoke to the capacity she held to understand and know the world very differently than other preteen and teenage girls. “Don’t take it personal” alone was ahead of its time.She conceptualized feelings and thoughts that women have about needing space, boundaries, and communication in love at 13 years old. 

What we can learn here from all of these women and other women in the music industry is that we all come from different experiences and lives, while still being connected through our shared experiences through race, womanhood, class, and more. Black girlhood and womanhood is not a monolith and once we understand that fully, we can truly honor and celebrate all of who we are not just the bits and pieces that society says we should be proud of. We are a mosaic of beauty, magic, and unfuckwitableness.

Make sure to tap in to the next highly anticipated and iconic Verzuz battle between the OG aunties that we love to love, Pattie Labelle and Gladys Knight, on Sunday September 13th at 5 PM PT/ 8PM ET.

How to Come Out of Quarantine Glowing

Do you remember the countdown to 2020? I know I do! I was surrounded by family and friends, each one looking into the new year with optimistic eyes. We were moving into what felt like our yearly check point, lined up with resolutions and plans to be our better selves. Little did we know, we were going to have to embrace all the changes the universe had planned for us. With little foresight on  what was to come ahead, we walked into the new year thinking we were ready... 

Just to be met with a VIRUS, (necessary) Mass Protests, Employment changes, and   “Country wide”/ “Worldwide QUARANTINE

Like most, we've had to roll with the punches  the new year has delivered. Some of these punches got in the way of what we had planned and gave us new spaces of time. The first couple of months we have been met with more 'Me time' than ever, giving us space to think about our lives, careers, relationships, friendships, family, spirituality, mental health and the overall society we live in.

After all this time we've had to think, we need to face the fact– the "norm" wasn't serving us and now is the perfect time to reclaim our lives.

So sis, let's get into it..How to Come Out of Quarantine Glowing

Now, I know we reached summer's end and we are halfway through the year but it's never too late to reclaim our time. The question is, where do we start?

When we wake up of course! 

Master your morning. Elevate your life.

How we start our morning really is a catalyst for how our entire day will be. Multiply  that by 30 and we have a new habit. Between the hours of 5 am to  8 am is when winners are made. The time when most are sleeping is the perfect time to check in with yourself and your higher power. Allow yourself to  do something for yourself that makes you feel accomplished before going into everyday priorities.  

First things first, once you wake up it's really important to hydrate, hydrate and hydrate. I cannot say this enough. Before you touch your phone, coffee, tea, or anything else, drink a big glass of water. Hydrating allows you to clear foggy thoughts and starts you off with a major win. Your body will thank you! 

During these hours you should give yourself the time off your cell phone to really get in tune with your needs. Sometimes we fail to realize our brain is a sponge so whatever we feed it first thing in the morning sets the tone for the day. Try creating a routine focused on mastering your morning peace, organizing your schedule, and goal setting. Try writing in a journal or planner during this time. This can assist you in reaching a better understanding of how you feel, how you spend your time and help keep track of patterns in your day to day.

Once you've done something to check in with yourself, take the time off your phone to start your day on a positive note. Whether it's working out, doing yoga, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or reviewing affirmations; these are just some of the things you can do to move into the day on a high vibration. Creating a solid routine can be something to look forward to daily. 

After you've taken the time to check in, it's time to check you out. When you look your best, you feel your best. Give yourself the time to get ready to conquer the day ahead. I know quarantine has made us comfortable in our favorite athleisure gear, but let's not get lost in what number of days of quarantine it is. tLet’s take the time to remind ourselves who TF we are. Take the time to get dressed the way we want to be addressed. Once you've mastered your morning then you’re ready to master your day! 

Keep Yourself Up

If quarantine has taught us anything, it’s that saving coin feels SO  good. Just because outside is canceled, doesn't mean we have to look like it is. This quarantine having temporarily closed salons and gyms shouldn't prevent you from being able to get right, PERIOD.

For what a full set of nails, protective style, or blow out costs, we could damn well buy the tools to do ourselves and save that coin. Now, we all know we won't become nail techs overnight, but we can learn how to do the things we usually lean on others for in our times of need. Here are some things to consider: If you do your nails, lashes, hair, etc. every two weeks, see how you can cut that cost in half. Youtube university is the perfect way to build a skill and watch your pockets swell up. If you can learn it, not only can you get yourself right, but maybe you can get others right and collect that coin!

Another part of “the keep up” goes without too many words, health is wealth. If you have been taking care of your body, please continue. If you gave yourself a hot girl break from the gym this summer, the fall is coming in to tell you, do not fall off sis. Take the time to get some movement in whether it be a home work out, gym, yoga, a jog, or dancing. Get up and get your body moving. Eat between the hours when the sun is up, indulge yourself with food filled with life (fruits and veggies) and never forget your water.

Try not to think of these things as just another item on a list but something to be a part of everyday life. We are much too busy out here getting it, to let holes in our upkeep have us feeling down or overwhelmed. Relying on appointments could be time and money invested back into yourself. It's a confidence boost to be able to get yourself right, even when the world is on lock down. 

Keep The Discipline 

Old habits die hard. I know personally how easy it can be to fall into an old habit that no longer serves you and it feels like the BIGGEST L. If you want to learn something STOP procrastinating! 

Stay true to the process and stay focused. If you have been taking a class, job searching, or investing in stock please continue. We are in a time where goals are more tangible than ever. If you can dream it, you can make it one way or another. DON'T let anyone tell you differently.

If you've been saving money during this time, eating well, keeping your peace, mastering your morning or working on your business,  anything that  disturbs your peace, empties your pockets, or pulls you out of that flow,  is a NO. A wise woman once said "If it's costing you your peace, its costing you too much." Be disciplined in your goals and stay true to your dreams. Discipline is a form of self love.  

Keep a Warrior Mindset & Be Grateful 

Now this goes without debate. Sis you are a Warrior!

You wake up every morning and you do the damn thing! If you are reading this, you are surviving a pandemic. A lot of people lost their lives during this time. You have been fighting a war and are coming out stronger than ever. It's time to let go of any negative patterns or  limiting thoughts and attack your goals with intention. 

Be grateful in all that you are and have.. You still being here means the universe has a bigger plan for you. So slay your war make up and give it everything you got. 2020 is still all yours for the taking! 

Can a ‘good girl’ have a WAP too?

Cardi B and Megan the Stallion’s new hit song “WAP” dropped and shook the entire internet.

The video featured cameos from several female artists including Rubi Rose. Mulatto and Normani. Even Kylie Jenner made a surprise appearance in the video. For some, the song and music video brought empowerment, confidence, and a message to be

unapologetically sexy. For others, the project was considered raunchy, vulgar, and classless.

This brings me to my main question - is hyper sexuality in hip-hop new or is it the new demand

and buzz for female hip-hop that bothers so many people?

Many respectable celebrities and household names have chimed in on the fun and sometimes

controversial conversations behind having a W.A.P.

Oscar award winning actresses Viola Davis and Halle Berry shared memes and videos on Twitter of fans editing them into the W.A.P music video. 

Other celebrities like rapper/songwriter Ceelo Green commented on adult content in music, stating it has a “time and a place.” He has also critiqued Nicki Minaj for adult content saying her sexuality in her art “feels desperate.”

Even politicians had something to say about the project. James P. Bradley, a Republican said

that “Cardi B and Megan thee Stallion are what happens when children are raised without God.” Since when are congress candidates concerned with the business of female hip-hop?

It’s very hard to not acknowledge the double standards for men and women when it comes to hyper sexuality in rap music and videos. Especially when there are songs like Three3 Six6 Mafia’s “Slob on my Knob” or the Ying Yang Twin’s, “Whisper Song.” These songs have been around since the early 2000’s and there are even more before this. 

It is ironic. You would think men would enjoy a song themed around a women’s vaginas and a music video with beautiful women dancing. Instead, they are finding reasons to dislike and critique the work. Maybe Cardi B and Meg The Stallion’s  message, “there is power in the P*ssy!” is too powerful and they feel threatened. Whatever the case, Cardi B and Megan should pat themselves on the back for getting the people talking and giving people more reason to watch and rewatch their content.

5 Go-To Styles for Girls With 4A to 4C Hair

When I was a child, I always wished my hair was like some of my friend’s. Their hair seemed less difficult to maintain and style. As I grew up however, I realized I was just trying the wrong products, doing the wrong styles and I had the wrong mindset when it came to my hair.

I stopped watching hair tutorials on YouTube that never seemed to represent the hair type and decided to start experimenting with different hairstyles and products. The black owned hair care line, Taliah Waajid  has been more than a life saver. Taliah Waajid started her black owned business when she was fourteen years old. She is the first black woman to offer a complete line of natural, chemical free hair care products. Her self-named brand provides a range of products to promote protective styling as well as curly, natural and children’s hair care. During these revolutionary times, I started using her black owned hair care products to tame my mane. The result? My FIVE go-to hairstyles for my thicker headed queens!

The Infamous Slick back

How can you get your hair so slick? It’s not as hard as it may seem with this routine. 

1. Wash your hair with Taliah Waajid shampoo. 

Green Apple And Aloe Nutrition Shampoo, $10.99

2. Apply and put in the deep conditioner and let it sit for 20 minutes.

Green Apple & Aloe Nutrition Apple Cider Deep Conditioner , $10.99

3. Rinse and apply leave-in conditioner.

Green Apple & Aloe Nutrition Leave-In Conditioner , $10.99

4. Take Eco Style gel- specifically the argan oil kind. Place your part and detangle your ends before applying the gel evenly. 

    Eco Styler Moroccan Argan Oil Styling Gel ,$6.85

5. Wet your bristle and soft brush and slick your natural hair down. Repeat this about 2-3 more times.

6.  Double up your hair ties and pull your hair into a ponytail.

7. Style your edges as desired and apply several layers of scarfs. I promise you the lines on your forehead are worth the results. 

Taliah Waajid Green Apple & Aloe Nutrition Hold Me Down, $10.99

The Slick Up

The slick-up is not far off from the slick back. Using the same Taliah Waajid  products, comb your hair upwards, applying the same method as the slick back. There are plenty of ways to spice it up by adding swoop bangs or switching up your edge styles. For both styles,  attachable ponytails and add on hair is more than recommended to give you a brand new look. Personally, I do both!

The Hard- but not really- Twist out 

We all have been there; the notorious twist out. As easy as it looks, it’s probably the most difficult style I have encountered. Here’s my steps for this look:

1. After the wash routine, run through your hair with Taliah Waajid Curl Definer.

Green Apple & Aloe Nutrition Curl Definer 12oz - Taliah Waajid $10.99

2. Plait or twist your hair into large or small braids, depending on the definition you want, and apply a small amount of eco style gel to each braid. 

3. Tie up this look with a shower cap, scarf, and/or bonnet.

The next day your hair should be beautifully curly, crinkly, or if you’re like me, both. 

The messy bun when the twist out fails

There is a 50/50 chance that the twist out will work. If it fails , here is the natural messy bun to save the day!

1. Comb out your hair (not so much, you still want your curls there!) and move it upwards. 

2. Take one hair tie to secure your bun and use bobby pins to get the fluffy curly look.

3.  Style your edges and ends how you want. I also recommend using the curl definer to have the curly tendrils left out.

The rubber band method 

This method has been very effective with braiding my own hair.

1. Part your hair in even sections and wrap a black rubber band around each individual section. Tighten as you would in a ponytail. Your parts should be nice and slick.

2. Wrap your synthetic hair around the desired section and plait downwards. I usually make these as long as possible so it’s easy to redo the braid. The thicker, the better.

3. Style your edges as desired. 

   You can even switch it up after a couple weeks; cut the braids shorter and add rubber bands at the end to get a whole new style!

   Practice makes perfect. It took months for me to learn how to lay my hair, style my edges and use different kinds of hair to match my texture. At the end of the day, your hair is one of the things that brings your confidence. Give one of these styles a try!

Sources:

“Eco Style — Ecoco.” Ecoco, https://ecocoinc.com/eco-style-gels. Accessed 6 Aug. 2020.

“Natural Hair Care | Natural Hair Products | Taliah Waajid Brand.” Taliah Waajid Brand, https://naturalhair.org/. Accessed 6 Aug. 2020.

Cover Art by: Quinn Wakefield

How to Move in Silence in the Era of Social Media

Does this sound familiar?...

An opportunity that sounds perfect suddenly arises, or we finally get news on something we've been wanting.

We know we have all of the qualifications for said opportunity so we excitedly call on our closest friends or family to share the news. We begin to ask them what they think. We open ourselves to outside perspectives while also letting them know what this could mean for  us. Our peers entertain the "Whens", "Hows", and the "What Ifs", sounding  delighted to hear our news. We may even make a little post about it, feeling we already have  it in the bag, so why not do a little flex? 

Next thing we know, after all the shared excitement, things don't follow through like we thought. Confused and/or  frustrated, we start thinking about what we could have done differently...

 Well, Sis, buckle up because we are going to talk about the importance of moving in silence! 

What is moving in silence?

Moving in silence is taking actions and steps to work on something bigger in your life without announcing its progress. This applies to any project, purchase, job, relationship, or event that can turn the fate of your life. 

So how can we begin to move in silence when we live in a culture that believes: "If you didn't post it, did it even happen?" 

1. Well for starters... GET OFF YOUR PHONE! 

Oftentimes when we become inspired, we begin searching for validation. We tend to distract ourselves online with the prize portion of what we are interested in, forgetting that we need to really solidify it for ourselves first.

By staying off our phone during the beginning stages of our new projects, we allow ourselves to be fully present and immersed in the opportunity. It also prevents us from being discouraged by seeing others who may be a bit farther in what we are just starting. 

It’s always good to keep in mind, your journey is your journey and social media is just a place where people show their highlight reels. So don't get distracted! There is no need to see what others  are up to when you  are just beginning to immerse yourself  in a new opportunity.  

Which leads me to the next point... Creation takes time.

 2. NEVER ANNOUNCE THINGS PREMATURELY. 

There is no coincidence when we announce something prematurely and it doesn't happen. In doing the action of announcing things, we already sign up to have our value or other perceptions of our value compared to the opportunity. 

This does not mean people are not weighing us well, it’s just a good segway to saying don't jynx yourself by talking about the opportunity until the opportunity has been secured! 

No matter how much it's welling up inside, we have to keep our own secrets as we work.  Remember, discipline is a form of self-love. This means we keep it shush until the key is in our hand, the offer letter has been received, or whatever qualifies you meeting this goal is set in stone and nothing can change that. The truth is, no one really needs to know what we are in the process of seeking until it's secured. 

Now, this does NOT mean don't collaborate. Family, friends, and colleagues have a very important place in your success and happiness. We will definitely touch on that later but right now, this is about you and how we can go from premeditation to action. Because what feels better? Saying you're going to go get it, or coming through once you've already gotten it.

3. DON'T TELL STRANGERS YOUR BUSINESS  

People love a good story. They become committed emotionally to seeing all the things that come along with the storyline: plot twist, drama, and climax. They want to hear all the news  we're willing to surrender. They will be there applauding us all the way through. even if the goals fall short. 

Now to them, it's just another story. But to us, it's our life, and it's embarrassing to announce something just to have it fall short. I'm sure some of you are thinking: "Why wouldn't people be happy for me? I'm always genuinely happy for people when good things happen to them." 

The truth is, not everyone who may come across the news on your timeline is genuinely happy for you. When we announce things before we have secured them, we sometimes fail to consider who may be wishing against us. This may be because they are coming from a place of lack or low vibration. We also don't know who is wishing on the same exact opportunity as us, and we just happened to put it in their line of vision. Now I'm not saying we need to be completely secretive about what we're doing, but keep in mind: it's okay to omit information for our better good as we are working on ourselves and our goals. 

 4. KEEP THAT SAME ENERGY YOU PUT INTO GETTING THE OPPORTUNITY

There's a saying that goes: "Those who know, do not speak. Those who speak, do not know". 

There are many interpretations of this saying, but my favorite is it’s hard to be both an observer and the person talking. When we are splitting our attention, we lose focus. 

Think about it, as we were working towards the qualifications that opened this avenue of opportunity for us, we didn't have time to talk on it because we were still developing this skill. When we did have time to talk it was more than likely with like-minded collaborators and colleagues. It was a reciprocation of energy as opposed to unloading. 

This is where friends and family come into play! Family and friends are our favorite collaborators, brainstormers, and biggest supporters. The people we chose to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with. The best way to go about staying in the same energy is collaborating. You can do this without divulging information that can be crucial to the opportunity. A great way of doing this is by asking them hypothetical questions. Remember, you are not obligated to tell anyone information you do not want them to know. Keep your mind on your business and your business on your mind. 

 With the free time we may have to wait to hear back from a recent submission, application, or opportunity - stay in that same mindset. Stay excited and ready to receive the blessings that are coming our way. The only blessings we can receive are the ones we are ready for. PERIOD.

Always keep in mind, God rewards the humble.   

5. MANIFEST YOUR REALITY

Preparing for blessings is VITAL. The worst feeling is when we finally get a "blessing" we've been asking for, but the moment we get it, we quickly realize it's not the right time and we might have bitten off more than we can chew.

The best way to prepare and manifest your reality is to keep these things in mind...

1. There is power in having control over our emotions, ESPECIALLY over our excitement.

2. There is power in attuning your craft even when no one is there to applaud us through the process.

3. There is power in collaboration and even energy exchanges.

4. There is power in keeping promises to ourselves.

With every moment we take to exercise these powers, the stronger what we are seeking will seek us in return. 

Move in silence, announce things once they have been completed, and watch how your life changes! 

Ain't I a Black Woman?

 Before I continue to write about the ways in which Black women are continuously and rampantly an asterisk or an afterthought of Black liberation movements. I want to stress-I am tired. We are tired. This piece was so close to being called “Tired” because that’s all I could say I couldn’t come up with a witty way to articulate what it feels like to be a Black woman in this country and in her communities. However, I am grateful to the ancestors, queen mothers, and sister folk of our world today for giving me not only the language but the unquenchable fire to keep being loud and consistent with the liberation of Black women- even if it falls on deaf ears. Something I’ve learned over time is that freedom can’t be bought or even asked for. Freedom is something you have to acknowledge you already possess and walk into once you make the decision to live free. In honor of queen mother and ancestor Sojourner Truth, a black woman who, in 1827 did not run away from her “master,” but in her words, “ walked away by daylight….”, I want to begin with some excerpts from her 1851 speech at the Women's National Convention - “Ain’t I a Woman?”

“...that man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full? ...then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him. Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.”

In this piece, Truth speaks of the differences between the lives of white women seeking rights and the lives of Black women. She argues Black women  should be a part of the same conversation, but are often left out.  During the American Women’s Rights Movement, white women wanted the right to vote while many  leaders- all of which were men- questioned the “intellect” of a woman. They doubted if these women were fit to be a part of the political system. While white women were fighting white men over a seat at the table, Black women were fighting to be seen as human- let alone a woman deserving of decency and protection. We were not granted the fragility and feminine freedom as white women. Even when we did the labor of men and gave birth to their children, we still ain’t enough. We were forced to slave for cotton, sugar, and tobacco right beside our Black men while carrying Black babies on our backs, and later our breasts, to nurture white children. 

41 out of 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence owned slaves. Thomas Jefferson alone owned over 600 hundred slaves, including Sally Hemmings. Sally Hemmings was not his mistress or a "side-chick.”Sally was an enslaved African woman who was raped and forced to bear 6 of Jefferson's children that he never claimed. This country's founders had no intention of treating and seeing Black women as anything else but a body to gratify, market, sexualize, abuse, and dispose of.  Something to conquer. 

Ain’t I a Black Woman?

Sally Hemings wasn’t the first or last Black woman to be seen and treated as property- just like Black men. In fact, this very American ritual of Black women simultaneously being victims of anti-blackness and anti-women doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Just like Trayvon Martin, all of our violators were not white, which is a direct reflection of a society that awards everyone a pass to attack us. 

In 2015, an Asian-American Oklahoma city police officer was convicted of multiple counts of rape, sexual battery, forcible oral sodomy, etc. Most of his victims were Black women who lived in underprivileged communities and were forced to perform sexual acts to avoid being arrested or incarcerated. Although he was found guilty for 18 of 36 charges, almost no coverage was done on a national level and the other 18 women will never get justice for his crimes against them. 

Daniel Holtzclaw saw Black women the same way Thomas Jefferson saw Sally Hemings. He savagely hated Black women and exercised his sexual power over them. We also have to take into consideration class  and the ways in which poor and working-class Black women are highly endangered on astronomical levels. 1991, LaTasha Harlins, a 15-year old girl, was shot in the back of the head by a Korean woman and business owner as she walked away from arguing over a carton of orange juice that the woman thought she didn’t have the money for. Although there was a clear security recording of the incident showing Soon Ja Du murdering this child with no cause, she only had to pay a small fine and received probation. The judge of the case stated, “I know a criminal when I see one” in reference to Soon Ja Du who she believed didn’t deserve a higher penalty. This raises the question that if this woman wasn’t a criminal for slaughtering a Black child then was a crime committed? Who is the criminal?  Latasha’s murder gained some coverage and community alliance but was overshadowed by the 1992 beating of Rodney King by 4 LAPD officers and their acquittal which was a direct catalyst of the L.A. riots at the time. 

Ain’t I a Black Woman?

I find it very eerie that when there is a case of a Black man murdered by the police or an abhorrent white supremacist, and the same happens with a Black woman, the movement always leads and centers the Black man’s life. To observe and critique this pattern is not an effort to diminish or erase Black men, Rodney King or George Floyd. It is an effort for  Black women to say “the same shit is happening to us too and we don’t want to be forgotten because we don’t want to believe that the very communities we’re fighting for and leading don’t value Black women and girls’ lives.” 

Korryn Gaines still haunts me today. Her name lives within my consciousness and is imprinted in my memory. Black people have struggled with standing behind Korryn because she didn’t comply or lay down and die. She was a nightmare for white and conservative Black people - a Black woman untamed and exercising her right to live, protect her children, and be free. She was a free Black woman who disrupted the status quo. At what point will the right of life become a priority over law and order...laws not created for us. Laws that keep Black folks in order. It is common for us to stand behind the “perfect victim” and we have seen the ways that Black women are labeled and seen as problematic victims, which aren’t ideal for the movement. Black women talk back and have attitudes. We are considered to not be complicit in our own oppression, whether it be with white society or within our Black homes and relationships. Yet, we know that even with Black men, Black women can’t be perfect enough to avoid our own lynchings. 

Breonna Taylor, a 26-year old EMT worker, was asleep in her own home when Louisville Metro Police Department officers executed a no-knock warrant to raid her home and shot over 20 times at her and her boyfriend. Breonna died after being shot 8 times. None of the officers involved have been charged. Aiyana Jones, a seven-year-old Black girl from east side Detroit, was shot in the head and killed by a Detroit Police Department special response officer who later was acquitted of all charges and served no time for Aiyanna’s death. Five years later, that same officer returned to active duty. Again, a child is murdered and there is no accountability for their life. Even during our slumber  in our own homes, we are not safe. The  perfect victim is a myth that further justifies the killing and abuse of Black women and girls.

Ain’t I a Black Woman?

According to TIME magazine, 

“at least 14 transgender or gender non-conforming people have been violently killed in 2020 alone, per HRC. In 2019, at least 26 transgender or gender non-conforming people were violently killed, the majority of whom were Black transgender women. Over 130 transgender or gender non-conforming people were killed between 2013 and 2018, according to HRC. The numbers may be even higher; the killing of transgender or gender non-conforming people often goes unreported or misreported, advocates, say.” 

Not only are we erasing cis-gender Black women’s lives from the Black liberation narrative but Black trans women are seen as even less valuable. Their deaths go unacknowledged and buried under almost everyone. The dismissal of Black trans people is a reflection of the thick homophobia and transphobia that is still running rampant within the Black community. What we fail to remember is that those dangerous ideologies were taught to us and we are participating in the terrorism of our own people. Sexuality, gender identity, and gender expression is not a debate. You cannot disagree with someone’s identity in the same way we cannot disagree with someone’s skin color, ethnicity, or culture. It’s very simple and it is silly to believe otherwise. We must hold each other accountable and stop turning a blind eye to the genocide against trans women too.

  We live in a world where a 20-year-old trans woman can be brutally beaten by a mob of men and women in a local convenience store. The store owner rejected Iyanna Dior’s pleas for help and refused to call the police. The footage of the attack is tough to watch. To know that many grown adults beat this woman so badly she thought she was going to die and no one did anything is very disturbing. 

Yet, watching the video doesn’t come remotely close to actually being a transwoman and living with the fear that at any given moment, people in your own community and neighborhood will want to hurt you. On June 8th, Dominique “Rem’Mie” Fells was found dead in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Although the investigation is ongoing, the death  was ruled a homicide by the police. Less than 24 hours later, in Liberty Township, Ohio, Riah Milton was shot and killed during a robbery. Both were Black trans women. Where is their  rally and riot? When do cities burn for them? Does it seem that Black lives only matter when they’re cisgender, men, and straight? If that is the case, we have become the very thing we’re fighting against.

Ain’t I a Black Woman?

In the words of the brilliant Brittney Cooper in her book Eloquent Rage:

 “Because Black women are viewed as preternaturally strong, our pain often goes unnoticed both in the broader world and in our own communities. Black men frequently don’t acknowledge our vulnerability, don’t seem to think we need defending, and don’t feel a political responsibility to hold Black women (who aren’t their mothers or sisters or daughters) up and honor them. There seems to be no empathetic register for understanding the sheer magnitude of the physical and emotional pain that systems of racism, capitalism, and patriarchy inflict on Black women every day. Black men grow up believing and moving through the world politically as though they have it the toughest, as though their pain matters most, as though Black women cannot possibly be feeling anything similar to the dehumanization and disrespect they have felt. That it might, in many cases, be worse for us seems to many men a preposterous supposition”

She eloquently articulated the ways in which I feel about the erasure of all Black women. I’m not interested in the game of “who’s more oppressed” because I think we do too often in the Black community and it solves none of our problems. However, there are specific issues that directly impact Black women that the Black community won’t address. It’s as if no one sees us unless we are being a mule, a bag lady, a “strong Black woman” or an object of sexual fantasy and fetish. We are deserving of more than romance, internet aesthetics, and recognition of beauty. We deserve to be protected and kept safe. There are many more names, stories, and cases that I did not mention . To learn more, please refer to the Say Her Name report conducted by the African American Policy Forum in 2015 for more cases and stories that you may not know of. Now, I ain’t got nothing more to say but...

Ain’t I a Black Woman?

Top 5 Takeaways: The Good Girl Book Club

Top Five Takeaways from Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

Most of us, at one point or another, were probably avid readers. Reading takes us to faraway lands, lets us explore the history and teaches us about ourselves. But let’s face it, as we’ve gotten older some of us have fallen off the reading wagon. As ashamed as I am to say it, I’m guilty... and I have an English degree!  And so, to kick off the new year, the good girl movement launched the good girl book club. Our goal is to create an environment for girls to fall in love with reading once again. And if you haven’t guessed by now, your girl is the proud book club leader. 

Our very first novel featured Mark Manson’s “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck.” Aside from the snarky sarcasm and the not so subtle use of the F word, Manson’s innovative self-help book had plenty of takeaways that every good girl needs to hear.

TAKEAWAY #1: 

Progress is a process and failure is inevitable.

Create process-oriented goals that do not attribute to failure. For example, you could make it a goal to work out 3 days a week, it seems reasonable. But what happens when you oversleep or opt-out of a workout for happy hour with friends? You start to guilt-trip yourself for failing to make your goal. A process-oriented goal would tell you to work out this week. If you get up and do it once, you can try twice or next time. This is a process that keeps you moving forward. The small tasks help you transition into performing larger tasks. You have to start somewhere! 

TAKEAWAY #2:

Set boundaries with confidence.

Knowing yourself means knowing your boundaries. It also means being firm in adhering to the boundaries you set. Committing to these boundaries is another way you commit to your own identity. People should not be able to sway your decisions in sticking to your boundaries. However, don’t get this confused with being stubborn and close-minded. A woman that sets boundaries is open to all choices but uses their values to create the best outcome for herself. 

TAKEAWAY #3:

Accept the fear of death.

The art of living is understanding your immortality. Avoid pretending that you are never going to die. Not to be morbid, but you have to understand that one day you will die. No, if, and, or buts. Facing this truth helps to eliminate the values you hold onto that are actually holding you back. You have one life to live so choose what you actually give a fuck about wisely.

TAKEAWAY #4:

"Allocate your fucks given, based on priorities."

Prioritize your life by focusing your energy and attention on what is the most important and immediate. This doesn’t mean neglect other things, but don’t sweat the things that do not align with your values. Always remember, your priorities are just that...YOURS. So don’t let anyone try to prioritize your life based on their values. We are fully responsible for our own life. That’s not to say that bad things won’t happen or that you won’t be at fault for things. You are responsible for responding and your reaction is entirely up to you. If you stay passive you’re giving someone else permission to control your life. 

TAKEAWAY #5:

The Backwards Law 

Wanting a positive experience can actually be a negative experience. I know, it’s shocking. When you seek out a positive experience you are actually reinforcing & reminding yourself of your current, undesired, feeling which is negative. Truly happy people are simply that, happy. They don't need positive affirmations to remind them. Seeking out the positive can be a fixation on what you lack. The best way to combat this is to remain present and aim towards those process-oriented goals we talked about earlier. Accepting negative experiences is a positive experience.

From what we learned, we deem this book Good Girl Certified. If you’d like to know more about the good girl book club, swing over to our contact page and send us a message Until then, happy reading.

Good girl out,

Aziah Kamari

Why don’t you love me Black Man?

There is an apparent social media debate between black women and black men about the efforts black men take in respecting and celebrating the black woman. Singer/Songwriter Ari Lennox reached her breaking point after being compared to a dog—a Rottweiler to be exact. Lennox spoke out, “And people want to say you’re going against freedom of speech—why is this your speech? Why do you feel so comfortable tearing down black women and no other race?”

As a black woman, hearing her speak out and seeing the responses calling her oversensitive makes me disgusted with social media and what we have come to. I think Ari brought up a very controversial topic that needs attention. Are black men lacking when it comes to honoring and protecting that black woman? Absolutely. 

Now I’m not going to be ignorant and point the finger at all black men. The black men I’m talking about are the black men that confidently speak against black women on social media. Some may say “well it’s just social media” but fail to realize social media isn’t JUST  “social media” anymore. It is a reflection of our society at the time, a reflection of thoughts and feelings posted by users that creates patterns, marketing material, and for people who are ignorant, “factual” information.

It is hard to ignore the pattern of successful black men who do not desire or pick black women as partners. That image alone is a tough pill to swallow but everyone is entitled to their preference so that’s not a problem the problem is vocally speaking out against black women while stating your preference. Saying phrases like “ black women are too ghetto for me” “black women are too bitter” or more recently “Ari Lennox and Teyana Taylor look like Rottweilers.” 

Regardless of your position on this topic, the reality can not be ignored and deserves some attention and IMMEDIATE adjustments. These adjustments could be as simple as remembering how powerful words can be on social media and making a mental note to refrain from using negative remarks about black women. If you see a black woman being slandered, don’t be afraid to use your voice to speak up and defend her. Ignoring the problem is also part of the problem. We cannot solve this problem without a strong community willing to help.

It's Not Them, It's You

As they smoked their cigarettes and drank their “grownup juice” my aunties would always say, “sometimes it ain’t the devil, it’s you.” I never understood what they meant until I got older and became an adult.

Growing up in the church, there were always proclamations and sayings about the “devil” causing every single bad thing that happens in your life. When my mother would vent to her girlfriends about her problems and challenges, I recall always hearing, “chile, that ain’t nothing but the devil.”

I left the church years ago however, I am still deeply spiritual and have come to know God more than I have ever before. I do believe negative energy, people with ill intentions, and “evil forces” exist as roadblocks in our lives. However, at some point in our lives, we must learn that sometimes it’s not other people or forces, it’s you. 

You are the common denominator and it’s time to call ourselves out on our own bullshit. It’s time to put our big girl panties on. If you needed a sign to get right with yourself, this is definitely IT.

Accountability is our new word for 2020 and moving forward. Last year, there was much conversation amongst our peers on social media about what it means to be “toxic” in both relationships and behaviors. What I didn’t see enough of, is how we are holding ourselves accountable for our lack of fulfillment. 

We talk about toxic partners but not how our own actions and behaviors enable their behavior. We talk about toxic friends, but not enough about our own problematic ways of friendships. We talk about how dangerous social media can be but we also must talk about how we created the very culture of social media that we hate so much. What I’m saying is, it’s not always THEM, sometimes you have to look inward. 

I learned quickly and humbly from so many experiences that were traumatic. I was in a relationship where my boundaries were constantly broken but I continued to take my partner back. I missed out on opportunities because I allowed fear to determine my actions. So many times did I have to let my ego die in order to get out of my own way. 

“The ego perceives life through the lens of duality. Duality is the opposite of reality — it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong and holy/sinful. When we divide life, we suffer. The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people. Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we segregate it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.”

Ego death is the transcending of the ego, self or identity. “This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have. Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature completely (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.”

When I discovered this, I was strengthened spiritually and mentally. I stopped allowing my ego to constantly tell me that it is me against the world, that bad things are always happening to me. I was able to find accountability and decided that I actually did have a choice in my destiny. I no longer feel self-pity because it is unhealthy and unproductive. I know the kind of life I want to live and I play a huge part in creating it. 

Accountability is the key to getting your shit together. You gonna let someone or something tell YOU who YOU are sis? Do you know how blessed and unconquerable you are? If you did, you would take life into your own hands. Instead of complaining about not having or making enough money, create a budget and stop those unplanned visits to Target. You got food at home! 

Stop allowing men to treat you any kind of way. Establish boundaries in the beginning and don’t be phased by every nice smile. You don’t attract fuckboys. You CHOOSE fuckboys. 

There’s a difference.

Don’t be envious of someone else living their best life or owning their own business. If that is what you desire, create an action plan and follow through so you can achieve that too. You are smart, powerful, beautiful, and resourceful. 

Use the gifts you were given. If you slip up or find yourself going back to unhealthy behaviors and self-sabotage, don’t shame yourself. Forgive yourself, reflect on it, create a plan to move forward, and actually MOVE ON. You use double the energy and get zero results from shaming yourself for something when you could just do better. I want to see you win love, but you have to be honest with yourself before you can get anywhere in life and that’s the real tea.

Good Girl Holiday Tips

How to pick the perfect gift!

The holiday season is upon us and let’s be honest, you are probably too old to write letters to Santa. So that means plan B: it’s time to go broke Christmas shopping. Most of us, like myself, usually wait until the last minute and end up fighting the crowd on Christmas Eve to find the perfect gifts. This article is for my people who are going to get a head start on Christmas shopping the day after stuffing their face with turkey—my Black Friday shoppers. The best way to get the perfect gift for your loved one or your bae is to plan ahead and brainstorm gift ideas in ADVANCE. In this article, I will drop some of my Christmas gift ideas that you can add to that wishlist of yours. 

Gifts for Bae(s): 

Shopping for a boyfriend or girlfriend could be nerve-racking because you really want to impress them. They might be getting you a gift so you don’t want to be the person with the bad last-minute gift. Some important things to keep in mind when shopping for your bae is paying attention to what they spend their money on. It could be the latest version of NBA2k or a $200 gift card to Sephora. You could also get a gift that reminds them of a special memory you share together. What better way to say “I love you” than with a gift that highlights a special moment. 

Gifts for Parents:

If your parents are like my parents, they might not get to spend much quality time together because of their family obligations. Take advantage of this by finding a gift that allows your parents to share time together. You could get them tickets to an upcoming concert of an artist they like, or a gift card to their favorite restaurant. If you are just shopping for mom, you can never go wrong with perfume or jewelry. If you are just shopping for dad, a gift card to his favorite shoe store or a new watch are great gifts any dad would enjoy! 

Gifts for Siblings::

This should be the easiest gift when shopping because you can add humor. One year, I bought my sister five packs of bacon (because bacon is her favorite food) and a pedicure gift that included a note insulting her feet. She loved it! You pretty much know your sibling’s favorite things no matter how weird or embarrassing they are. Personalizing a gift definitely shows your love and your unique relationship(s).

I hope these tips helped with your Christmas gift ideas for 2019. Now, eat well on Thanksgiving, set your alarm clocks early, and hit the malls early for your Christmas shopping. Good luck, girls! 

Girl, You Okay?

Alice Walker, a brilliant black woman and author of The Color Purple once said, “Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister?”

Friendship, specifically between women, is one of the greatest wonders of the world because of the healing, empowerment, and safety it can bring. A friend is someone to lean on and walk with during your greatest and most painful life experiences. But with every friendship comes concerns and struggles. What happens if you can’t lean on your friend because it hurts to be vulnerable? What if your friend leans “too much” and you don’t know how to help?

Women struggle with expressing their challenges with mental health or mental illnesses, even to friends. Women of color and Black women struggle with their mental health because most are taught by families or society to be strong and not express emotions. White women are often granted more access to be openly vulnerable and emotionally expressive than Black women. In many cases where Black women have expressed their emotions or have shown signs of having mental health issues, they are misunderstood, gaslighted, heavily policed, arrested, or even killed. With this, it can be very easy to understand why some may present the “Strong Black Woman” survival tactic within their friend groups. Those who don’t are often criticized and demonized by their sisters and friends.

I believe that friendships take just as much work as a relationship to truly flourish and withstand the tests of life. Many believe that friendships, just like romantic partnerships, are something you fall into and that they are sustained on their own with fantasy and friendship goals. That is a myth and a huge part of why friendships fade. Are you always labeled as being a “difficult friend?” Did she not show up to your party or meet-ups because she’s a bad friend or does she have social anxiety? Is she jealous or hating or has she never told anyone she gets nervous when meeting new people which may come across in a negative ways? Is someone still a good friend if they struggle with depression or if they are suicidal? Sometimes you just need to ask, “Girl, are you okay?” Knowing that someone is listening can make a huge impact.

Many of us aren’t checking on our friends as we should or are afraid to talk about our issues in fear of scaring the people we love away. It’s not because we don’t care and it’s not because we are weak. It is because we simply aren’t aware enough; we’re incapable of having difficult conversations or we don’t want to seem like a burden to our friends. Being a good friend has more to do with how you show up for people than being a perfect and likable person. It is more important to try and reach out to your sis if you notice her behavior or mannerism is unhealthy or harmful in any way. It is not okay to criticize, judge, or isolate yourself from her because she’s “too much” unless it is a situation that has become harmful to your well-being and mental health.

Do you notice when your girl has been wearing the same clothing for days? Maybe hygiene or appearance seems more unkempt than normal. Don’t talk about her to your other friends or avoid being around her. Ask her if she’s good and if you can support her in any way. Notice she tends to have an interesting but very toxic selection of men in her life? Don’t go in the group chat talking about how she’s dumb for staying in her relationship. A good friend would validate and point out unhealthy choices that are not a reflection of her, but instead, reflect her trauma.

By no means should you vilify yourself or someone else for not revolving their life around anyone but themselves. However, we should be more observant of our friend groups and patient when a friend is in need. Let her know how you’re concerned. It is also important to identify triggers and seek help if our challenges begin to project onto our friends in a way that’s unhealthy. Know that no one, no matter how many great friends you have, is responsible for your well-being and health but you. It is counter-productive to lean on your mental health challenges or illnesses as a crutch for our unhealthy behavior instead of starting a journey of healing and taking accountability for our actions even if it’s hard.

Hot Girl Semester

How To: A Hot Girl Semester 

Yes, we’re sad to see hot girl summer come to an end. Although a community of men called the “city boys” tried to throw us off, we were persistent and resilient. Megan Thee Stallion has laid the foundation for us to be the hotties all-year-round, not just for the summer. 

The key to being a “hottie” has more to do with being intentional about what you want while being confident - it’s not just about driving the boat and cute outfits - but we love that too. Many of you are back in school or maybe this is your first year in college. How do you keep that same energy from the summer during the school year? No worries sis. I’m here to give you the best tips on how to maintain your looks and your books while also staying on budget. Here’s to a hot girl semester!

Invest in protective styles and wigs

I would be foolish to not highlight the importance of hair in our community. Spending hours, even days, getting laid and slayed has been a black girl ritual since the beginning of time. With that in mind, a college girl hottie has nowhere near the time to spend in a salon or in somebody’s chair. So how does she maintain her hair while also making it to class on time? Do more protective styles such as braids or faux locs and invest in a good wig. 

Although the thought of braids and faux locs may instantly give you a headache, thinking about how long you have to sit in the same spot for hours on top of having your scalp screaming from how tight the braids are, they should be one of your go-to styles. You can keep your protective style in from a month to two months if installed properly. 

When it comes to wigs, stick with closures. Frontals will take time to install especially if you are using glue. With a closure, you just pop it on, lay your edges, and go. The cool thing about wigs and protective styles is that you can also style them how you want without damaging your own hair. Now that’s what I call a finesse. 

Make your own DIY hair products

For the natural hotties, making your own natural products is the way to go. When I went natural, I was always tempted to buy so many products that ultimately did the same thing. After doing some research on YouTube and natural hair blogs, I realized I can make my own products. Not only is this cost-efficient but I also gained more knowledge about my own hair. This way you can save money for books or a weekend with your girls and become an expert on your own hair.

 It sounds like a win to me. 

If you mix any essential oil (Jojoba,Olive, Coconut, Grapeseed, etc.), mayonnaise, and one beaten egg, you’ve got yourself a highly moisturizing and strengthening deep conditioner. If you boil flax seeds in a pot until it becomes frothy, you have your own natural hair gel that will keep your curls defined and popping. These are just a few recipes I’ve used for myself but YouTube and other social media platforms are your best friend. Save your coins for the boat sis. 

Create a makeup routine

This sounds so simple but it’s honestly crucial for our hotties who love makeup. It can be frustrating to love makeup and love how it makes you feel but not know what you’re doing. One reason why women might take extended amounts of time doing their makeup is because it is based on someone from YouTube or Instagram, not on your individual needs and wants. The reason why it takes so long for you to highlight and contour sis is  because you haven’t learned your face shape and structure. You haven’t learned a product application process that works for you. If you take some time to sit down and play around with your makeup you will figure out what works for you and 

 save so much time when you decide to wear makeup.

Too many products overwhelming you? It’s okay, we all take that extra trip to Sephora when we should have just headed home. Honestly, you only bought those products because homegirl from your favorite channel told you that you HAVE to them when you really don’t. 

Another tip, make sure to carry a makeup bag so you can always have your essentials right by your side for a quick touch up in between classes or meetings. I recommend keeping the lip color you’re wearing, lip liner, a sponge/beauty blender, blotting papers or setting powder, lash glue (if you’re rocking strips), concealer the shade of your skin, mini setting spray, and makeup wipes inside of your glam bag. 

Get hip to shopping apps

I’m not here to drag you sis. I’m here to help you... but you have to stop splurging on shopping sprees and random online orders from Pretty Little Things or Fashion Nova. I’m not saying don’t treat yourself but be smart about it. Remember, a hot girl has beauty and brains. 

Have a slight or major shopping addiction? Download apps that pay you back or offers discounts when you shop at your favorite stores. Apps such as Shopular and SnipSnap have the ability to send you notifications when stores near you are having sales or have coupons available. They also have lists of discounts from branded stores that they partner with. Apps such as Ibotta and Rakuten actually give you cashback for spending money at participating stores. These are great for saving money at the grocery store too. I always make it a habit to check these apps before I buy anything. A hot girl thrives off abundance and getting what she wants. Why play checkers when you can play chess? Again, all the savings from these shopping sprees can go to things for school and getting into that campus party. 

Eat and Workout at Home

There’s only one way Megan has those bionic knees to do what she does. Working out and of course eating healthy. What’s essential to having the hottest semester is staying on top of your grades and being healthy. A hot girl prioritizes a healthy lifestyle which includes being active and eating right. I get it though. You may not have the coins for a gym membership or trainer, the time to make it to the campus gym, or maybe you are insecure and get anxiety from working out in front of others. The solution to that is to work out at home or in your dorm. 

Maybe it’s not your ideal set up but what’s not ideal is falling asleep in class because you have no energy.  You have to be active and fuel your body with the right foods. We have to go from eating snacks to looking like one. All you have to do is take the stress from trying to make it to the gym and eating out. Workout at home and eat at home. You got food at home at sis. The drive-thru isn’t your friend. If you don’t have food at home, go to the grocery store instead. You will get more food for your money and the satisfaction of cooking your own meal. 

You don’t need a gym to be fit. Look up fitness videos and invest in some home equipment like dumbells, sweatband, and resistance bands. Take a walk in the morning or a run to start your day off. Your body will thank you and so will your grades. You will be more alert in class and focused on your daily tasks. Remember, you have to keep up with the maintenance of the boat to drive it. 

Create affirmations for yourself.

Lastly, you have to affirm yourself girl. You can take all of the advice above all day long but if you lack confidence and resilience it won’t work. This is not to say that how you look should ever overshadow your studies. By no means do we want that. A hot girl is a woman of substance. People try to demonize women who are confident enough to be authentic and happily themselves, whatever that looks like. 

This is to say that when we look good, we feel good and that’s a scientific fact. When we feel good, we do good and that should be applied to our work ethic. A few ways to obtain a hot girl spirit to go along with the appearance is to write, on sticky notes, messages about the woman you want to be and place them all over your house or dorm. I like to have them in my bathroom because that’s where I get ready for the day. Never use “I want to...” when writing these. Always say “I am...” because you are even if you are not there yet. This is a way to manifest the things you want by feeling like they already exist. Make a playlist with your favorite empowering and motivational songs. They can be twerk songs or spirituals. Either way, listen to music that makes you feel good and inspires you. Of course, you have to have THEE hottest hottie on your playlist so don’t forget her. 

It’s not easy maintaining your books and your looks but you can do it, if not for the hot girls, do it for the good girls.